In preparation for the upcoming holidays and the gathering of family and friends, I think a great topic is that of gratitude. A large part of resiliency skills focuses on this very word, which—if practiced intentionally—can foster stronger, more meaningful relationships while also contributing to our own mental and emotional well-being.

The entire theory of resiliency is based on our response to adversity. In this model, it is not the adversity itself that is the focus, but rather how we respond to it. In the face of adversity, we have two distinct paths we can choose from: personal growth or personal destruction. We cannot go back to the reality that existed before the adversity; that reality no longer exists, thus the two paths. We also cannot linger indefinitely between the two choices, because either consciously or unconsciously, the journey will begin—toward growth or toward destruction.

Much like compassion, love, and forgiveness, gratitude is one of those attributes that is easy when it’s easy, but hard when it’s hard. Allow me to expand on that. It is easy to feel or express gratitude when we are in a place of joy and comfort, or surrounded by those who support us. It is not easy when we are surrounded by pain, grief, sorrow, or isolation. The secret is to cultivate gratitude in all circumstances, both good and bad. In fact, I would offer that being able to draw from your gratitude in the darkest times is when it brings the greatest benefits.

It comes down to understanding and accepting what we can control and what we cannot. We do not control adversity, nor when it will enter our lives or to what extent. We can only control our response to that adversity. Our ability to be grateful in all circumstances is one of the greatest coping mechanisms we can possess.

So, as we take a moment to celebrate Thanksgiving, truly be thankful. Be thankful for the good as well as the struggle. Be grateful for the joy as well as the pain. Be grateful for the successes as well as the setbacks. Rather than focusing on what went wrong this past year, take a moment to focus on what went right. They are all part of our journey.

A great tradition to start this year would be to take a moment for each of us to share one thing we are grateful for in the presence of others. What a wonderful way to share Thanksgiving.