Over the past few years, I have been providing resiliency education to various groups throughout the state of Wisconsin, including first responders, military personnel, civic organizations and area schools. While each of these groups brings with it a very unique background and can incorporate resiliency skills into both professional and personal life, it is our youth whom I feel can benefit the most, as they have yet to venture out into the world and experience those moments of challenge and adversity that require resiliency skills.
For those not familiar with this approach, I will start with a quick introduction to resiliency, which is defined as “the ability to withstand, recover and/or grow in the face of stressors and changing demands.”
You will notice that I capitalized and bolded the word “grow,” as this is the true goal when navigating difficult moments in our lives. It is the difference between merely surviving and thriving. It is the difference between succumbing to struggle and allowing it to limit your future, or growing from that struggle and allowing it to become the strength that propels you forward.
When I begin this course of instruction, I usually start by simply stating to the class of young, eager minds in front of me that they will all, in fact, fail. You can imagine the looks I get, both from the students and the teachers in the room, who at that point are probably asking, “Who invited this guy?”
I then draw from a quote by Winston Churchill, who stated, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.”
Therefore, the only time we truly fail is when that failure becomes our reality. Think of all the experiences and resulting growth that come from our efforts throughout life — everything from walking to riding a bike to mastering skills in academics, music and sports. Our road to success in any of those areas was marked by early failures and perseverance through those failures.
We call this “failing forward,” as we never return to our point of origin. Rather, we move forward from that point in time, learning from the failure, taking inventory of what we have gained from it, and once again pursuing what we set out to conquer. The other option, of course, is to be defeated — to allow that adversity to define you in such a way that you use it as a perpetual excuse for why you can’t do something. In this reaction, you do, in fact, fail. We call this “voluntary victimhood,” and it is truly a sad existence.
It is a disservice to our youth to tell them they will be successful in whatever they pursue or that they will not fail. It is better to share the reality that they will hit many walls throughout their lives, both professionally and personally, and that this is not only alright — it is the very essence of growth. We would be better suited to give them the tools necessary not just to withstand or recover from those struggles, but to grow from them.
It is essential that we share the understanding that adversities — and the scars, injuries and yes, even trauma — do not establish weakness within us, but instead can become our greatest source of strength. We can acknowledge the injuries that result from struggle while embracing those same injuries as the source of our unbreakable resolve to grow in every aspect of our lives. The choice is yours, regardless of age.
Choose the journey of growth.
