For those who expected me to focus on mental health during this month of awareness, you were correct. In the practice of resiliency, there are actually 14 skills that help both acquire and sustain a healthy, resilient mindset. While some require only a slight adjustment to our daily rituals, others can be quite challenging. Today’s skill is one of those challenges.
The skill is called “ABC,” and while the title and concept sound simplistic, incorporating it may prove otherwise. Here is the premise: The “A” represents an activating event. These activating events can range from the mundane to the significant. The first thing to realize is that most activating events are outside our control, which, for many, is a major hurdle to clear because we tend to fixate on the uncontrollable.
For the sake of this article, let’s use the example of someone cutting us off in traffic while we are driving, as most of us have experienced this. Once this happens — the activating event — we typically experience emotions such as anger or, in some cases, even rage, leading us to react in an unhealthy and possibly unsafe manner. These reactions, or consequences, are actually the “C” of the equation, so let’s back up and talk about the “B,” which is our brain’s response.
Unlike the activating event, we have absolute control over our brain’s response, which ultimately drives our emotional and physical reactions. Consider two different responses to the same situation. A driver cuts you off. You allow your emotions to go to a negative place, and you may resort to vulgarities or even an impolite hand gesture. In reality, you do not know what may be going on in that person’s life at that moment that led to poor driving. By attaching a negative emotion to your response, you are not punishing that person, but rather yourself.
Another response to the same event could be to take a deep breath, pause your thoughts for a moment and be grateful that everyone, including yourself, is safe. You could even smile and wish the other driver well on the journey. That may seem oversimplified, but the end result is that your mental and emotional well-being will be in a much better state.
This is why I stated earlier that this concept is easier said than done. Consider all the challenging events that occur in your daily life and how many times you internalize those events negatively. If we can work to respond to adversity with a positive mindset, we get that much closer to the internal peace we all yearn for and the deep, meaningful relationships that sustain us throughout our lives.
In more than 30 years of law enforcement, I have had my share of people and situations that tested my ability to stay positive, but a positive response has always served me well. The secret is that, in responding to people’s negative behavior, there are two reasons to apply the above strategy. First, they may not have intended the offense, and the relationship can be salvaged. Second, if they did intend the offense, responding with kindness will render them powerless because your ability to rise above maintains the balance of power in your favor.
Regardless of whether it is an event or a person that serves as the activating event, do not give anyone the satisfaction of hijacking your mental or emotional wellness. Stay positive!
